Papering Ower

Using the TV as company. It's a family trait. 'She watched it when she was lonely at night'. The absurdity of this suggestion. The final insult. I remember the rumour I heard that Johnny Cash once visited Kinghorn. Picture the man in black telling you that he 'kent the reels' at 'Fat Collett's Arcade'. Smoking Cinnamon sticks wi' Da Hill. Maybe Da put a lighter between JC's legs when he was playing 'Gorf' and shouted 'jap's eye'. Surely JC felt the despair of waiting for 'Fritz' to make yer Kebab...without the chilli sauce and salad of course...Naturally he got paggered by 'Fat Bull' and 'Fire Damage' when he visited 'The Bay'. It was a rite of passage for him. Maybe he played in the 'Show Am' at Bisland Golf 'House' Club. He could have replaced Andy Stewart who was only there 'health permitting' and who was dead by the time anyway. How did I survive this pliss? 'Old Mick' pished himsel in the Auld Hoose daily. 'Bonkers' soon became an old folk's home. My gran died there. 1990. 19 ah wuz. This town only breeds poodles. Bands who sound like Bon Jovi. I once saw Claude Bols in the town. He was a 'blue' comic. My dad knew who he was. My dad knows nothing else about the outside world. Masonic activity was rife. They were all at it. Unrecognised. Hanging out my window. The world isn't really out there after all.