What's His Nimm?...Clerk?!

..note to self...do not drink Kronenbourg Blanc as it fucks you up! Beverages that are both alcoholic AND sugary sweet have traditionally never agreed with me cf a coupla tragic nights on Addlestones AND K ciders in the early 90's. Sadly I appear to be drawn towards brews that are sweet, tasty and potent...there's a grotesque metaffer in there somewhere!...so that was the reason why I woke up at 3.05 AM with what appeared to be a Sunn O soundcheck taking place inside my skull and an Earth epic set closer nearing it's conclusion inside my guts...not good. Every time I consume more than 1 or 2 grogs of an evening I know that I'll have to endure the pattern of crashing out in a deep sleep on return from the pub and then waking up 2 hours later feeling indescribable and being unable to get back to sleep for at least another 2 hours. I think I should probably give up drinking! Aye had a fair few wi' TLK last night. It was a guid night in many ways. The bottom line is that I like being with her and chatting and being pally! We had a great blether mostly re the work related shit that's going down at the moment. I feel very angry about all this crap and I vented a fair bit of it over the course of the evening. I also got a strong feeling that we really ARE friends. I have this endless paranoia about that. I'm forever trying to read into her moods and her responses to things etc and it's a) exhausting, b) potentially damaging and c) stupid. From time to time when the 2 of us talk it can be easy and free and relaxed and it was like that last night. It seemed clear to me what we thought of each other as-PALS! and that made me rather happy.

2) aye I'm meeting my dad later on this aft. He's an odd one. When I was a bairn it's not being unfair to say that he didn't particularly want to know about things like kids or marriage and he was a pretty distant figure to me for a long period. He's also given my mother a lot of hard times over the years and I can never feel good about that. However round about 10 years ago something changed in him and he mellowed to a very marked degree, going on to show a fair bit of interest in me and my brothers and generally doing things that he should have done for us or with us when we were yon age. I've grown to enjoy his rather quirky sense of humour and appreciate him as a multi-faceted vibe rather than the 'Bed and Breakfast Man' he often seemed to be in my youth. Not sure why he's coming through today. I'll probably end up escorting him to The Grand Lodge or The Insignia Shoppe or somewhere with masonic shit smeared all ower it. Aye he's one o' them. That was an enormous barrier between us in my eyes for a long time. I associate masonic stuff wi' a' that MALE middle age pisshead crap that is not really my bag. I also think it's a haven for bigots. The small town masonic gatherings I've been (almost) party to are nowt more than wall to wall piss ups and displays of 'excessive behaviour'. It's no my style(!) and I've never had anything to do with it. Incredibly he still tries to recruit me, saying "I've got a form for you son" on a regular basis. This used to upset me as I would dwell on it as being indicative of what he really thought of me and how little he 'understood me'. Now I tend to laugh it off for the most part and he seems to get the joke too.