The Beginning Of The Process

So here I am once more...aye there's always been a big Fish element to my music. Killer segue..I had a dream last night that involved a guy I used to know who was known as Fish...that's all I have to say about that, it just made me think of a way I could get some Marillion into this. Anyway...Don woke up, and looked at the night before. Feeling bewildered this AM. I've come to hate having days off from work as they give me time to dwell on all thae godamn negatives that seem to come so readily to mind. I usually get up fairly early sit in squalor and 'watch' TV, waste time, eat, waste time, get low etc etc. Today I shall endeavour not to do that...well not any more than I have done already. Today is the first day of the diet. I intend to get out and about and get all Keith McTeeth or whatever she's called on yo ass. Of late I probably have been eating myself to death, something which does not have the cachet afforded to grogging yersel into the morgue. As of this time of the day (9.52 AM) I am full of intentions to join a slimming class today. The only one I can find starts at 5.15 but I really think I have to make it. I saw a pic of masel the other day. I can only be described as 'ridiculous'- a bald ninny with a girth that isn't even welcoming and rotund a la Goodman more just plainly 'morbidly obese' There was a friend of my father's who became totally massive in later years and, I kid you not, they had to knock down part of the wall of his flat to get him out after he croaked. A combo of these thoughts have made me a little keener to get started. I also have terrible feelings of loneliness and of being alone for the rest o' me days and even tho' I've never kent anything else (natch) this is not a situ I want to prolong. At this stage of course all the little bastards in my head are telling me that no one will ever like you 'in that way' (the 3 most damning words in the universe) and that you are ugly, fat etc. Positivity is not something that I have great reserves of. In fact I tended to scoff at practitioners of it for some time, usually because I felt they were middle class and therefore had it on a plate anyway. I accept that this is something I need to work on (you reckon?) Anyway, I intend to go and buy some fresh fruit and vege-tables as some would say. Hopefully going to see a fillim wi' CH later. CH is my other closest pal. He's a good sort to be around and I need that kinda vibe. Anyway, back to life, back to reality. Pumping bass for a happy face/race/ace/space whatever it was. PS Is the title of this blog too Desiree for comfort? I welcome input on this and all other aspects, he says pretending that anyone's reading this. I told you I was ill..ha ha..