Why Why Why...

I don't know the answer to that. I think I'm starting this to try to break my habit of damaging self reflection and analysis ...by adopting a new form of self reflection and analysis...wish me luck...
I probably should tell you who I am, or at least something about who I am and why I'm here. My name's John. I'm 35, I live in Edinburgh tho' more significantly I grew up in and stayed in Fife til I was 34. I work as a support worker for a mental health charity. I am currently in an unrequited love situation with a colleague. I am grossly overweight, I am bald and I wear glasses. I am also virginal and have never been in a relationship of any kind. I am 95% certain I am hetero scum. I used to sing in a noisy band and I think I miss that. I have always tried to project myself as a 'creative person' and whereas I have written lyrics and bits and pieces and even been an exhibited artist(!!) I have given little evidence of this to myself or others. I was vegan for 8 years and have not eaten meat in 11. There are times when I think this means something to me. I have never been a confident person. I have had major anxiety and depression issues at various times in my life. I have periods where I feel like public enemy number one and also that everyone perceives me as such a thing. When I feel bad I imagine that everything I pick up or drink or eat becomes something potentially damaging to me and to others around me. I am in serious debt. I currently drink too much. I do a number of harmful things to myself on a daily basis. I need to stop doing them. I want or need or would like to use these pages to tell you about how I'm going to improve and how I live my day to day life. You'll either be interested or you won't. I might post every day. I might post now and again. Who knows, man, who knows? Thanks for coming...ha ha...